For the last two years I haven't been able to watch Lord of the Rings (all three extended edition) movies on Christmas. It's kind of a tradition. I tried to watch it on my birthday last year since I was recovering from surgery, but didn't actually get all three watched. Since I have been missing Middle Earth the last couple of days, I thought I should like to visit. It took 3 days before I finally was able to sit down and watch Fellowship of the Ring and not only did I have to watch it on Netflix because I was too tired to find the cables and hook up the blu ray player, I fell asleep before the end. I'm going to have to finish it today and I just might push the rest of this week's homework to tomorrow to do it.
Lately, I have been so overwhelmed that I kind of gave up on just about everything. It's the house. It's stuff I've been trying to let go of that carried over from last year. It's that my in-laws are trying to be helpful by cleaning but not getting things clean, and they wouldn't feel the need to help out so much if I could stop being so overwhelmed that I didn't hide in the office all day or wasn't having fibro flare ups or jarring my back by simply bumping into things, or having dizzy spells even when I am sitting still . It's that I got online to find a calorie calculator to see if my doctor was bullshitting me on that I'm not eating enough to function. No, she isn't, so now I have to count calories to make sure that I eat enough, because lets be honest after having a therapist fat shame me, having friends preach advice at me, and not having control over my food off periodically, AND having stomach issues where I feel like I want to puke before and after eating, I actually became afraid to eat. I've pretty much eaten just enough to get by. I've had days where I can't seem to eat much of anything and then have a day where I eat too much, but those are few and far between. It's stupid all of this is stupid, and I'm just venting.
So aside from all of that, my parents dropped a huge bomb on me last week and here it is Thursday and I still don't know what to do with it. Apparently my alcoholic cousin Tony not only has a smart phone but was cognizant enough to be able to use it for more than calling people recently. For whatever reason he went looking for our mothers' biological father and came across the man's obituary. My mother's bio-father died in 2015 in Arkansas. He was survived by his mother and his children Debra, Lisa, Laura, and Billy. It also mentions that he was a Jehovah's witness.
What I have been told all my life was that my mother's father took off with Aunt Debra and at some point went to jail for stabbing a 17 yr old for pocket change. We didn't know if Aunt Debra was alive or dead.
But did he really? Or was that something that Grandma Julie made up? Because things aren't tracking right in the timeline, as I understood it, from my Mom's childhood around that time. Apparently my Mom's Dad was the reason they moved from Kansas to Oklahoma. I guess Grandma Julie didn't want him taking away more of her kids, which makes sense considering that a previous husband took the kids they had together. But then how does my Mom's older sister Angie fit in and who was her Dad? I am so confused. I'm at the point where I am starting to think my Grandma Julie was nuts herself and am trying to figure out how she even came from my Great Grandparents because they were so down to earth and sane and well, normal.
All of that aside, my parents found my Aunt Debra on the internet and made contact with her. Apparently she's been looking for Mom and Aunt Laura for awhile. Mom said that when they talked on the phone, it was like they hadn't been apart for over 40 years and that Aunt Debra is not only sane but seems solid. They've been talking back and forth via texting and call each other. I found Aunt Debra on facebook and have messaged her a little. She wanted to plan when she flew up to see my Mom around when I could fly down. Since I can't do that right now, I told her not to wait on me, but go when it worked best for her. Eventually I will get back home to see everyone and maybe then, if she can make it, I will see her at that time.
So yeah, that happened, and I still don't know what to make of it. I'm excited, but numb, and kind of hesitant as well. The last time my Mom had family she didn't know anything about, it was right before her Mom died. Then Grandma died and my Mom was giving them a lot of Grandma's stuff but while they were loading that stuff up, they helped themselves to some of Grandma's jewelry, some stuff my Mom wanted to keep, and also my mom's wedding rings, social security card, and driver's licence. You know because Mom always took her rings off to clean and left them next to her wallet. We were trying to get Grandma's mobile home cleaned out to sell it so we could pay her bills and whatnot and Mom had a migraine so Uncle James sent her home with us that night and Mom forgot that stuff. We came back the next morning and they were heading out. So, as you can imagine, with all that crap plus the crap I've dealt with from my Aunt Laura, and criminal activity of two of her children, and the people she's brought into the picture that I've had to deal with growing up, yeah, I'm just gonna see what happens.