NOTE: I have cross posted this post from my other blog and am adding a little more here.
Last night I was a little bit manic. I could not shut up!
Generally speaking I am quiet and I prefer to listen and observe more than I like to talk. This works in my favor when visiting with Amanda's Mom because she is truly a chatty Cathy. There are occasions that I get heated or excited about something and can be as chatty as the next person. However, there is a difference between that and a manic episode.
I didn't used to have these. I'm not sure exactly when I began having, sometime right before the hysterectomy, probably about the time shit hit the fan. They haven't gone away but I haven't had them that often either and I have told Amanda that I don't mind them that much, I usually get a lot of things done when they come, and being productive always makes me feel better.
Well, not so much last night. Amanda was trying to do something on my computer (since hers isn't working) and I just kept talking. I apologized, but nearly every thought that came to my head made its way out of my mouth too. Eventually, I dozed off, and she was able to get some stuff done.
Today, when I woke up, I felt distracted, unfocused, and like I was ready to jump out of my skin. Everything seemed rush rush rush for no reason. This isn't the cloudy or unfocused feeling I get from the fibromyalgia, that feels like an unfocused slow drag where I can't seem to completely wake up despite being full awake. So, needless to say I was a bit unsettled when I was trying to get some things done.
Eventually I'd had enough. Sitting still and meditating didn't really appeal to me and I had this notion that I might need to try grounding myself. So I googled "grounding gemstones" to see if I had any. I, in fact, do. I have hematite and jasper. Since my hematite is in the bedroom, I grabbed the jasper out of my gemstone bag and just held it. I also put on quiet, ambient background music, and went about doing some things.
It helped. I think it works better when I hold it in my hands- right now it is tucked in my bra so I can type and still have skin contact with it. I'm still manic but being able to focus on one thing at a time is such a relief.
I've been on the fence with some metaphysical and pagan notions and gemstones has been one of those things. I am open to a vast majority of things. When someone tells me they had an experience or something works for them, I believe them. Just because I didn't experience it or feel it or it doesn't work for me is no reason to invalidate or belittle their experience. When it comes to me, I generally question and a pick it apart to a fault. I tend to do that with most things. However, in this area, I realized that I need to stop. It is normal, okay, and even healthy to question how things work, how they would apply to you, and so on. But to do so to the point of, well, blocking(?) something out kind cheats you from the possibility of really truly discovering things on your own. For myself, I think I was inadvertently keeping myself from experiencing a lot. I wasn't letting things do what they were supposed to do and putting up a wall.
My proof that thing like this do work for me and can be beneficial, was when my friend who does Reiki did some on me. It was amazing to feel her energy at work, not just once, but couple of times since that she's done it. Then, when my back was bothering me at her house and Amanda found a knot, our friend handed Amanda a rose quartz wand to use on the spot and that eased the area.
So today, while some part of me was questioning whether this would work or not, I had to tell myself to knock it off and just let the stone work. It did and I feel better. It's a good lesson.